I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
