i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
