JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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