Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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