Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
