This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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