do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
