I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
