so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
