Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize