Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(517): View more from Michigan

Tell her she can't have a vagina

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(248): View more from Michigan

I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.

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(319): View more from Iowa

Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.

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(925): View more from California

I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.

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(801): View more from Utah

im getting coffee to go get coffee.

(435): View more from Utah

Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.

(985): View more from Louisiana

Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

IT'S PERFEFT

(1-605): View more from South Dakota

... what?

(605): View more from South Dakota

HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.

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