so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
