You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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