i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
