McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
