Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
