Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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