We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
