Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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