let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
