What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
