i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
