This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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