If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
