i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
