hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
