you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
of course. lets lasso hookers.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
