So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
