Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
