I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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