just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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