clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My pussy is not your playground.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
