Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im six kinds of drunk right now
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize