Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
