my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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