he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
