Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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