we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
