i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I will be naked everywhere
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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