he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
