I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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