How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
