I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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