He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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