Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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