1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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