I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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