bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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