i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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