I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
