take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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