We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
