Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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