If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
