Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize