Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
