yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
