I'm passing your future prison.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
