the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
