Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
