I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
