I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
