WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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