I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
