I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
