I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
