How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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