Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize