this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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