I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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