He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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