I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
