I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
