I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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