There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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