Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Randomize
