Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
