my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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