Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
