very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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