I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize