i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
