I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
