When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
