i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
