ya dads aren't the best wingmen
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
