i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
